A Completely Normal Conversation: The Mouse
by rosetyler39
Summary: Just what the title suggests. A completely normal conversation via text between our Baker Street boys. Okay, well, it depends on your definition of normal... Rated T for a tiny bit of strong language.


**Hello sweeties! It's been a while, I know. I have been writing a lot of angst lately, so here's something to lighten the mood. :)**

**Sorry for the lines in between the text. I just thought that would make it clearer who's texting who and all that rubbish...**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**4:00 P.M.**

_John. ~SH_

_JOHN. ~SH_

_We need more milk. ~SH_

* * *

_Sherlock, for God's sake, I'm at work right now._

* * *

_Excuse me, this IS_ _John Watson I am texting, correct? ~SH_

* * *

_Sherlock, what are you on about?_

* * *

_How am I to know who is texting me back if there are no initials to tell me so? ~SH_

* * *

_I don't have time for this._

* * *

_Who doesn't have time for this? ~SH_

* * *

_~JW_

* * *

_Ah! John. It is you. ~SH_

* * *

_I hate you. ~JW_

* * *

_You'd be bored without me. ~SH_

_We need more milk. ~SH_

* * *

_Sherlock, I told you, I'm at work. ~JW_

* * *

_Irrelevant. ~SH_

_Milk. ~SH_

_Now. ~SH_

* * *

_I'm buried in paperwork right now. ~JW_

* * *

_Again, irrelevant. ~SH_

_Milk. ~SH_

* * *

_I'll pick it up later. ~JW_

* * *

_No. I need it now. ~SH_

* * *

_I can't GET it for you right now. ~JW_

* * *

_It's for an experiment. ~SH_

* * *

_I don't care. ~JW_

* * *

_Ooh look! A mouse! ~SH_

* * *

_What the actual fuck? ~JW_

* * *

_Language, John, please. ~SH_

_I caught it. ~SH_

* * *

_Good for you. ~JW_

* * *

_Where did you put my scalpel? ~SH_

* * *

_What? ~JW_

* * *

_My scalpel. ~SH_

* * *

_Your scalpel? ~JW_

* * *

_Yes, John, my scalpel. Where is it? ~SH_

* * *

_Why? ~JW_

* * *

_You answer my question first. ~SH_

* * *

_Bottom left drawer in the bathroom. Why? ~JW_

* * *

_Thank you. ~SH_

* * *

_Why, Sherlock? ~JW_

* * *

_Dissection. ~SH_

* * *

_EXCUSE ME? ~JW_

_SHERLOCK, IF YOU ARE PLANNING ON CUTTING THAT POOR MOUSE OPEN… ~JW_

* * *

_It's a mouse. A rodent. Rodents were practically made for scientific study such as this. ~SH_

* * *

_THIS ISN'T SCIENCE. THIS IS INCENTIVE TO GET ME TO GO OUT AND GET MILK. ~JW_

* * *

_Brilliant deduction. ~SH_

_I've duct-taped his tail to the baking sheet. ~SH_

* * *

_LET. THE MOUSE. GO. ~JW_

* * *

_Then go get milk. ~SH_

* * *

_LET IT GO RIGHT NOW, OR I SWEAR TO GOD… ~JW_

* * *

_What God? ~SH_

* * *

_UNHAND THE MOUSE. ~JW_

* * *

_Get me milk. ~SH_

* * *

_SHERLOCK HOLMES, I AM SERIOUS. ~JW_

* * *

_So am I. ~SH_

_It's struggling. ~SH_

_Such an intricate design on this scalpel… ~SH_

* * *

_DAMMIT, SHERLOCK. ~JW_

* * *

_I named him Jeffery. ~SH_

* * *

_You named the mouse, Jeffery? ~JW_

* * *

_Mhm. ~SH_

_Oh, don't squeak, Jeffrey, I only want to observe your organs. ~SH_

* * *

_WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PICK SUCH AN ADORABLE NAME? ~JW_

* * *

_Incentive, John. Milk, please. ~SH_

_Such a nice scalpel. Such a healthy mouse. Ready for dissection, Jeffery? ~SH_

* * *

_I'M LEAVING WORK NOW. ~JW_

_I'M ON MY WAY TO THE TESCO. ~JW_

* * *

_I win. ~SH_

* * *

_I'M ALSO PICKING UP A PAIR OF SCISSORS. ~JW_

* * *

_Why the scissors? ~SH_

* * *

_Such lovely strings on your violin. It would be a shame if something bad happened to them. ~JW_

* * *

_You're bluffing. ~SH_

_You'd never hurt my violin. ~SH_

* * *

_How do you know? ~JW_

* * *

_Because if you were meaning to actually go ahead and cut the strings on my violin, you wouldn't have told me. ~SH_

* * *

_Aren't you clever? ~JW_

* * *

_That's been established. ~SH_

* * *

_Idiot. ~JW_

**4:59 P.M.**

_I'm bored. ~SH_

_Have you got the milk yet? ~SH_

_Jeffery, don't squirm. ~SH_

* * *

_I GOT THE MILK. LEAVE THAT BLOODY MOUSE ALONE. ~JW_

* * *

_He's not bloody yet… ~SH_

* * *

_PUT THE SCALPEL DOWN. I'M MAKING MY WAY TO THE FLAT RIGHT NOW. ~JW_

* * *

_Like I said before: I win. ~SH_

* * *

_I can't believe I left work to save a mouse. ~JW_

* * *

_Frankly, I can't either. ~SH_

* * *

_I really do hate you right now. ~JW_

* * *

_:3 ~SH_

* * *

_What the hell is that supposed to be? ~JW_

* * *

_Some sort of mischievous cat-face, I think? I hacked Molly's phone, and I saw that she had sent it to a good number of her friends… excluding you and me, of course. Looking at it sideways, I concluded it was some sort of cat-face. ~SH_

_A cat's sounding really appealing right now, isn't it, Jeffery? ~SH_

* * *

_DO NOT CUT THAT MOUSE OPEN. ~JW_

* * *

_I hear your key in the door. ~SH_

* * *

_Yes, and do you know what that means? ~JW_

* * *

_You're home. ~SH_

* * *

_No shit, Sherlock. ~JW_

_But it also means that I'm about to punch you so fucking hard in the face, it will leave BOTH Jeffery and I in stitches. ~JW_

* * *

_Jeffery might need stitches… ~SH_

* * *

_YOU DIDN'T. IF YOU... YOU COULDN'T HAVE... ~JW_

* * *

_You're right. I didn't. You just set me up for that joke. ~SH_

* * *

_You're a fucking idiot, you know that? ~JW_

* * *

_I love you too. ~SH_

* * *

_Yep. Definitely punching you in the face. ~JW_


End file.
